Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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