nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
