Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
