his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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