This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
