I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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