Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
