a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am mentally ready for anal.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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