flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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