do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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