gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
