i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
