the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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