I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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