Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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