seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize