google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
