The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i now understand why vodka
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
