Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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