Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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