i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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