So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
