something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We had to coat check the pizza.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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