there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
