i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
