We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
