somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
