At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
