a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
