also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
