checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
