there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
