I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just found puke in my bra..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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