I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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