My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think a kid would responsible me up
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
