You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
