i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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