i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
