I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
