sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
