it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
