I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize