This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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