you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
