3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
