Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
