dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
