So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
