Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
