But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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