Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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