If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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