Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
