I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everclear isn't food dammit
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
