Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
