Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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