i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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