I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We had sex on a dog bed..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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