He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
