you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
