Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
