The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sorry about my life...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
