Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
