My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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