and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
