I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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