just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
