Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize