Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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