I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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