The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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