i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
People in love make me want to vomit
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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