So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
