I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
