i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
