we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
