everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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