so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize