This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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