I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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