I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
