How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
