Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
