just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
