Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what day is it and did you see me today?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
