Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
