OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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