yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
