Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
